Photog by Peter Vidani
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Trapped In Love

                                

It’s funny how love

Love has always been a barrier for me to overcome.

When you were never loved

How do you know how to love someone else?

Either we love too much

Or we love not enough

Well I don’t know the answer to that

All I know is what it feels like

When you have it right in the palm of your hands

And whenh you lose it

Slipping through the cracks of your fingers

Happily ever after

Doesn’t exist on this path I walk on.

When we kissed

It fellt as if Sambia

Was breathing ashe’ into my soul

Now that she’s gone

I take shorter breaths

Kinda feels like being punched in the chest

You left me

I can’t breathe without you

You ripped my heart from this cage

And set my soul on fire

There are 3rd degree burns traced inside my bones

Get a closer look at what you did to me

Same shit

Different toilet

You pissed on my feelings

Slicing my pain away with a rough blade

The thought has crossed my mind

On more than one occasaion

Strip me naked

And my skin will bleed in the pattern of a chess board

Beautifully etched into my flesh

Now everyone can see the pain I bare

You’ve taken everything from me

I don’t sleep at night

Nightmares shake me awake in cold sweats

T-shirt soaked

Head pounding

Breathing all off beat

So I just sit against the wall

Rocking myself back and forth

Praying that I don’t drift off

It’s like

“1-2 freddie’s coming for you”

“3-4 better lock your doors”

“5-6 Five, six grab your crucifix”“7-8 gonna stay up late”

“9-10 never sleep again”

NEVER SLEEP AGAIN

I swear these bags under my eyes so heavy

They look like black eyes

Pounded into my face by the pain you have caused me

Dont label me bulimic

This food forces itself up whenever you cross my mind

I can’t keep anything down long enough to have an appetite

My stomach twist in knots

An echo of pain bounces around inside my ribcage 

I would say that I hate love

But love didn’t do this to me

You did

I walk these streets like a zombie

Possesed by some other unknown force

Spell binding and casting

Inhaled from the air

Maybe she hasn’t stopped working on me

Maybe this is just another one of her tricks to keep me bounded

If so it is working

And we are both losing

So I don’t say fuck love

I say fuck you

Because I have no other explanation for why I feel this way