It’s funny how love

Love has always been a barrier for me to overcome.

When you were never loved

How do you know how to love someone else?

Either we love too much

Or we love not enough

Well I don’t know the answer to that

All I know is what it feels like

When you have it right in the palm of your hands

And whenh you lose it

Slipping through the cracks of your fingers

Happily ever after

Doesn’t exist on this path I walk on.

When we kissed

It fellt as if Sambia

Was breathing ashe’ into my soul

Now that she’s gone

I take shorter breaths

Kinda feels like being punched in the chest

You left me

I can’t breathe without you

You ripped my heart from this cage

And set my soul on fire

There are 3rd degree burns traced inside my bones

Get a closer look at what you did to me

Same shit

Different toilet

You pissed on my feelings

Slicing my pain away with a rough blade

The thought has crossed my mind

On more than one occasaion

Strip me naked

And my skin will bleed in the pattern of a chess board

Beautifully etched into my flesh

Now everyone can see the pain I bare

You’ve taken everything from me

I don’t sleep at night

Nightmares shake me awake in cold sweats

T-shirt soaked

Head pounding

Breathing all off beat

So I just sit against the wall

Rocking myself back and forth

Praying that I don’t drift off

It’s like

“1-2 freddie’s coming for you”

“3-4 better lock your doors”

“5-6 Five, six grab your crucifix”“7-8 gonna stay up late”

“9-10 never sleep again”

NEVER SLEEP AGAIN

I swear these bags under my eyes so heavy

They look like black eyes

Pounded into my face by the pain you have caused me

Dont label me bulimic

This food forces itself up whenever you cross my mind

I can’t keep anything down long enough to have an appetite

My stomach twist in knots

An echo of pain bounces around inside my ribcage 

I would say that I hate love

But love didn’t do this to me

You did

I walk these streets like a zombie

Possesed by some other unknown force

Spell binding and casting

Inhaled from the air

Maybe she hasn’t stopped working on me

Maybe this is just another one of her tricks to keep me bounded

If so it is working

And we are both losing

So I don’t say fuck love

I say fuck you

Because I have no other explanation for why I feel this way

She was once creole spoken backgrounds
Stitched into the lining of my DNA
A radio active ingredient shot into my bloodstream
That in one moment of lip to lip
Softly pressed was magnetic
an unforceful event that occurred every night we looked into the portals of our eyelids flip inward
We spoke 
Goodnight
Sweetdreams
Nestled in closer 
The lining of her body
From lock to breast 
From breast to knee
From knee to toe 
All engraved into my spine 
She dug into me
Close 
Closer than two bodies conjoined
Our souls were entwined
Breathing
Contracted one another’s 
Ashe 
We moved
We moved like little tiny waves on the shores of the river 
Oshun dancing inside our ribcage 
Twirling to the conga in our hearts
Between the most brightest space 
Right palm tapping on one lung
And other stroking the heart 
I sang to her like no woman has sang before 
Climbed inside her ear 
Laid across her drum
And whispered  
You are the one for me 
Sambia
Kissed life into your pulse on the 6th day 
My king 
My shango 
A replica of a king in the making 
your father is colored into your lifeline
I’ve seen you before 
Another lifetime ago
We met on the river bank 
We fell in love that day 
And maybe God took you away
So we could start over and meet again 
So I
I have been waiting a lifetime or more 
Always reincarnated into something more but never complete 
You were not there. 
I waited for you. 
Hoping I would see your soul 
In the palm on some strangers hand 
In the womb of another woman
In the backstroke of a heartbeat
And that day
This day
Today
You murmured into my existence
I ran for you 
I came to you 
And I almost had you 
At the tip of my fingers
There you stood
Running and dancing inside the lines of my fingerprints 
You slipped away 
So tiny and fragile 
I lost you 
So I sit cursed 
Waiting another lifetime for you to return so I sit and listen 
Seeing if I can find you 
hiding behind some child’s laughter
Or pulsing into the vibration of a rock being kicked 
Or therapeuticly grasped onto to some cutter’s blade 
I wait 
because she was the one. 

Give me a heart 
And ill break it 
my fist 
pounds With these words
Smashed 
like a paraplegic’s spine 
Into a millions shards of broken glass
A heartbreak 
is not easily fixed 
You can’t super glue this pain back together
Ill slowly seduce you 
into a comatose state
And as soon 
as your angelic doors open 
Ready to accept this gift
My love
I will rip it 
from that protective cage
Tare apart your ribs 
just to get inside
Ima beast with love
I got a heavy appetite for fresh meat. 
Who ever said 
pain equals love
They were referring to me 
Find a woman 
who hasn’t been branded 
Scorched by these flaming lips
Across their chest
Who hasn’t felt my palm 
on their heart 
Beating and rising in heat 
I make their pulse snap
Veins pop 
Its like little mini seizures
Exploding in the middle of your heart
You’ve never felt a pain 
Like you’ve felt my love.

copyrighted 2010 I AM OSHUN